IWS in Gatineau - Hardcore Heat & Invitational

[Llakor]

International Wrestling Syndicate

Strong Style Typings: Hardcore Heat & Syndicate Invitational

Not to look past Extreme Dream Two this Saturday at Le Break in Montreal (corner of St-Laurent & Cremazie near Metro Cremazie), but in about two weeks we will be presenting our first show in Gatineau, Quebec and it will be our first double-header with an afternoon show featuring talent from Quebec, Ontario and the States and the evening show being an IWS show.

For our fans in Ontario, this is as close as we are going to be able to get to doing a show in Ontario without having to deal with the bureaucracy of the Ontario Athletic Commission.

Fans are justifiably excited, and I have decided to bring back my Match-A-Day announcements to mark the occasion. Every day I will be announcing a new match for the double-header.

The IWS is proud to present The Syndicate Invitational and Hardcore Heat, Saturday, Sept 3rd, 2005 at the Palais des Congres, 200 Promenade du Portage, 3rd Floor, Gatineau, Quebec. Doors open for The Syndicate Invitational at 1:30 pm. Show starts at 2:00 pm. All tickets for the Syndicate Invitational are $12.

For Hardcore Heat: doors open for VIP tickets at 7pm and for regular ticket-holders at 7:30 pm. Show starts at 8:00 pm. Tickets for Hardcore Heat are $20 for VIP and $15 for Regular. There is also a Gold VIP ticket package for $25 with a general admission ticket for the afternoon show and a VIP ticket for the evening show. Card and Details subject to change. To purchase tickets e-mail or paypal [e-mail] or e-mail [e-mail]

These are NOT 18+ shows, but we do strongly reccomend parental guidance for 16 or under. So if you're 16 or under, bring your Mom and tell her to leave the hat pins at home! (An IWS No-Prize for anyone that can explain that reference and another No-Prize to the person that can explain the No-Prize reference. God, I'm old.)

We will also be selling tickets this Saturday during the IWS show, as well as next Saturday at the ISW show, and next Friday at the UWA show in Mississauga. There will also be tickets being sold during the Edge signing in Ottawa and at the house show in Ottawa. (Maybe the guys doing that can post details in this thread.)

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Monday, August 15th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - Combat Zone Wrestling

Representing Combat Zone Wrestling, will be a match between Sabian and Niles Young.

IWS fans have seen Sabian in action before when he came to Season's Beatings with fellow BLACK-OUT member Ruckus. While Ruckus, the CZW champion, had his Canadian priviliges revoked by Franky the Mobster after Breakout, Sabian can still cross the border freely. No doubt he will be looking to emphasize the supremacy of BLACK-OUT by beating the stuffing out of Niles Young. Sabian is a former CZW Light Heavyweight champion and former CZW tag team champion.

Niles Young is a CZW up and comer who aspires to be able to take a beating like Sexxxy Eddy and still get back up to his feet. He is well on his way. Niles will get his first big opportunity to shine this September when he faces Mike Quackenbush, Derek Frazier and J.C. Bailey for the CZW Light Heavyweight title. Beating Sabian, a former CZW Light Heavyweight Champion in Ottawa would give Niles Young a huge boost of confidence before his title shot.

Incidentally, Sabian has never gotten a rematch for his CZW Light Heavyweight title belt. Expect Sabian to be grumpy about facing a rookie who is getting a shot at what Sabian believes to be HIS belt.

(Grumpy Veteran against Cocky Rookie, Gotta Love It.)

[Llakor]

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Tuesday, August 16th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - MWF

Representing the MWF will be Maxime Boyer vs. Jagger Miles

Maxime Boyer was trained by Jacques Rougeau Jr. and was Jacques' "School Champion" for a period. Maxime has just started to get noticed here in Quebec, but once you do notice him, it is obvious that Maxime has a future in wrestling. There is nothing flashy about Maxime, because he doesn't need to be flashy. Everything that he does has the quiet authority of someone who know exactly what he is doing and why. He has the poise of a veteran combined with the brash swagger of the young man that he is.

I truly think that in a year, maybe two, we will be talking about Maxime Boyer on the same level as other Rougeau graduates like Beef Wellington, Kid Kamikaze and Kevin Steen.

Not knowing too much about Jagger Miles, I asked Maxime to describe him. (Please note that the following is translated into English from my notes of Maxime's original comments in French.)

"They call Jagger one of the great up and comers in Quebec wrestling. Well, it is true that it is impressive how far Jagger has come. Mind you when you start in the gutter, in the sewer it's impressive that Jagger can even walk up-right. See, it's almost unfair. When you are talented as I am. When you are as good-looking as I am. When you have received the training that I have - you have to be as great as I am just for people to be satisfied. All Jagger has to do is not screw-up badly for people to be impressed. I mean I hear people talk about Jagger being the most handsome man in Quebec wrestling, and that would be true if Jagger wasn't ugly, hairy and a midget. It's just that you put Jagger up against the fat, toothless, dirty white trash males that fill this province and Jagger starts to look good. But you put him up against me and its obvious that Jagger Miles is what happens when you settle for mediocrity, but I, Maxime Boyer, I am the exquisite, epitome of excellence."

The truly scary thing is that Maxime might even be as good as he thinks he is...

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - Ontario Indys

Representing a variety of Ontario indys will Eddie Osbourne vs. Warhed

Eddie Osbourne
Height 5'11" - Weight 211lbs
Hometown: Campbell River, British Columbia
Pro Debut: September 15th, 2001
Trained By: Sid Summers, Juan Ortiz, Carl Leduc, Johnny K-9 & Smith Hart
Current Promotion(s):
CIWA GLCW PWA PWX Ring Wars UWF OSPW

Title Status:
OSPW New York Champion
PWX Pro Division Champion
PWX Tag Team Champion (w/'The Sport' Jessy Jones)

Theme Music 'Meant to Live' by Switchfoot
Manager:
Jacqui Jones (PWA)
'The Sport' Jessy Jones (PWX)
Tag Team Partner 'The Sport' Jessy Jones, Buck 10 & 'Illegal' Elian Habanaro
Tag Team Name The Sports Generation
Faction Name The Sports Generation
Faction Members:
-Buck 10
-'Illegal' Elian Habanaro
-Jayson Chambers
-'Precise' Paul Wright
-The 21st Century Fox
-'The Sport' Jessy Jones
Finishing Move: Final Impact
Nicknames: Impact
Official Website: www.eddieosbourne.com


Warhed
Height 6'0" - Weight 198lbs
Hometown: Kitchener, Ontario
Pro Debut: August 2nd, 2001 in Parry Sound, Ontario
Trained By: Mike O'Shea, 'Showtime' Eric Young, Sid Summers & 'Impact' Eddie Osbourne
Current Promotion(s) MEW PWA UWF

Theme Music 'Only You' (Instrumental)' by Ashanti
Finishing Moves:
Death Valley Driver
Downward Spiral
Fire Cutter (TKO)

Previous Promotions:
BCW (Buffalo) CEW (Nfld) CGPW CCW GLCW IWA NWF OPW PWE Ring Wars RWI IAW

[Llakor]

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Weekend, August 19th-21st, 2005: Several Announcements

So I guess I owe people a few days worth of announcements since I took my eyes off the ball...

Hardcore Heat: Title matches

All IWS titles will be up for grabs.
EXesS will defend his IWS Heavyweight Title.
Chris Bishop will defend his IWS Canadian Title.
2.0 will defend their IWS Tag Team Titles.

Their respective opponents will be announced this week.

Hardcore Heat: The God of War vs. The One Man War

In a match that is honestly turning into a back-stage war of words, Damian will face The Arsenal. This is a bit of a dream match for IWS fans and will probably split IWS fans down the middle along generational lines. Old school fans will probably cheer the Arsenal and agree with him that the Arsenal has been using the tag line "The One Man War" since day one (2000?) while more recent IWS fans will probably side with Damian and his point that he used the line "The God of War" ONCE in a promo and the fans went APE-SHIT, so he's stuck with the title.

Syndicate Invitational: Warhed vs. Eddie Osbourne

This is more like a follow-up on a previously announced match. I did some digging on the Warhed/Eddie Osbourne match. It turns out that Eddie Osbourne helped train Warhed and that these two have been feuding across Ontario and into the States for years, but no one could quite remember why except that it had a bit more to it than the usual teacher/student feud. Someone made the cryptic remark that it might have had something to do with junk food or snack food and I was all over that. I have been a huge fan of junk food feuds ever since the classic Mickey Whipwreck/Cactus Jack Doritos feud.

So I did some digging, called some people, made an investigation... and, well they don't call me the Guardian of Useles Knowledge for nothing. This is what I found out...

When Warhed began his training, he suffered the usual training humiliations: his gear - misplaced or hidden or frozen in a bucket of ice - his car towed, the fundraising "arrest" where he had to pay "bail" (make a donation) to get out of the very real jail, that sort of thing. All of which he endured. It came with the business.

The one thing that drove him crazy though was the "Mystery of the Missing Muffin". Every day of training he brought a bagged lunch. Every day his lunch was left alone... except for the Muffin which always disappeared. It was minor, it was inconsequential, it drove Warhed NUTS. The only thing that kept him sane was the sympathy and help of one of his trainers, Eddie Osbourne.

Finally, Warhed had had enough and he decided to plant a camera that would record the comings and goings of the gym fridge to solve this mystery once and for all. And so it was that the thief was exposed... Eddie Osbourne, his mentor, his training partner, his friend.

This is how the war between Warhed and Eddie Osbourne started. This is why they have battled up and across Ontario, their feud spilling even into the States. By this point, neither man cares about Muffins, about practical jokes, about training hijinx. Osbourne and Warhed started about Muffins, the same way that Hatfield and McCoy started over a pig. By this point all that matters is hatred, because that is all that is left... hatred... hatred and violence.


Syndicate Invitational: Universal Wrestling Alliance

Just to be clear, this is the other UWA, not the UWA hardcore promotion that Chris Bishop is from.

COLIN OLIVER CARNAGE III vs. VIRUS

COC

Height: 5'10'' Weight: 210 lbs

From: Vancouver, British Columbia

Music: Prodigy & Tom Morello One Man Army (Spawn the album)

Favourite moves: Snap suplex, German Suplex, Belly to belly suplex, belly to back suplex, Gut wrench suplex, back breaker, frog splash

I think the man likes Suplexes. Why does no one do the Tully Blanchard sling-shot suplex any more? That move ruled.

Finisher: Ruckus Stopper

Wrestling Experience: 4 years

Trained By: Dave Dalton

Dave Dalton, I'm told, is to Ontario wrestler training what Jacques Rougeau is to Quebec wrestler training - only Dave Dalton was never locked in a jail overnight in a bright red cowbow suit after losing a match to a baton-twirling prison guard. Oh and Dave Dalton never trained anyone as good as Kevin Steen or Kid Kamikaze or Beef Wellington or Maxime Boyer. Advantage QUEBEC! Of course, Dave Dalton never trained Le Prisonnier either or the Gladiator or Crush so maybe that last point is a wash.

Promotions: Universal Wrestling Alliance (ON) Main Event Wrestling (ON)

Feuds: Gutter, Reggie Marley, Brad Martin, Eddy Osborne, Michel Von Payton, Dave Titan

Best Match: vs. Eddy Osborne (Main Event Wrestling)

Is it Eddy? or Eddie? And Eddie Osbourne seems to get around doesn't he? Must be the muffins - they give him enery or summat. Which reminds me that I must find out the flavour of muffins. I will investigate.


VIRUS

Height: 5’6 Weight: 155lbs

From: The Red Light District

Beef wants to know how many booths over from Deuce Bigelow he is?

Favourite moves: Anything from the top rope, Spinning DVD, Spinning fisherman suplex, 450 splash

And I want to know if he does the Ric Flair move from the top rope and if so what is it?

Finisher: The Overdose (Phoenix Splash)

Wrestling Experience: 3 years

Trained By: Dave Dalton

Promotions: Universal Wrestling Alliance (ON)

Favourite opponents: Dave Titan, Team Canada, Shawn Macmillan, Dave Dalton, Colin Oliver Carnage

Best Match: vs. Petey Williams and Bobby Rude (w/Shawn Macmillan)

Bobby Roode! Maritimes REPRESENT!

Information provided by the wrestlers, snarky remarks in italics by me. I'll try and find out why COC and Virus dislike each other for later


Syndicate Invitational: Upcoming Announcements

Later in the week, I will be announcing a match to represent NCW and CWA, as well as a match featuring wrestlers from an Ottawa/Hull promotion who don't want to be officially named. Apparently the wrestlers got their orders from a cassette tape that exploded afterwards and if they do badly during their match the fed's secretary will disavow any knowledge of their match... or something

I'm on some kind of weird snarky roll or something. I will probably have to change my name and appearance or something.

[Llakor]

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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005: Hardcore Heat - Tag Team Scramble

The IWS is justly famous for its tag team scramble matches. At Hardcore Heat, the new IWS champions, 2.0, are putting their new titles on the line in a tag team scramble.

"Because, we are all about opportunity!" says Shane Matthews over my left shoulder.

"Just like Uncle Manny!" says Jagged over my right shoulder.

"Right. And that should read incredibly handsome Shane Matthews," says the increasingly annoying Shane Matthews.

"Get it right, Llakor! And I'm the rugged and charming Jagged," says the fat bloody chance of me calling him anything but plain old Jagged.

"Maybe you should announce our opponents? Think you can do that properly?" says Shane "Sultan of Smirk" Matthews

"I don't think so. Maybe we should take over. And you're the one who's old. Old man," says Jagged knocking my hat off my head, boxing my ears in the process.

So 2.0's opponents:

Pulling double duty, wrestling in the afternoon show, Maxime Boyer will tag with Superstar Shayne Hawke, the only man in the IWS more annoying than 2.0.

"Jagged, take a note. Maxime Boyer is the weak link on that team. He'll be tired," says Shane Matthews

"Right, good point. Take a note Shane. This Hawke kid is some kind of red head, right? And we know that red heads are emotional right? Prone to blowing their top? All we have to do is piss him off and bang! he loses his focus," says Jagged.

The eternal underdogs, the team of Pornstar Juan and Twiggy.

"Hand-picked," says Shane Matthews.

"Yes. Picked by hand. We are all about opportunities!" says Jagged.

"Just like Uncle Manny!" Says Shane.

The longest-reigning tag team champions in the history of the IWS, the Flying Hurricanes, Takao and Kenny the Bastard.

"Proof that even the greatest lucky streak in the world has to come to an end sometime," says Shane Matthews.

"You see the Flying Hurricanes are like a padlock guarding the tag belts - our belts - but once we found the key - we opened that padlock..." says Jagged

"And we entered the promised land," interrupts Shane.

So, is this going to be an elimination match or what?

'We haven't decided yet", says Shane Matthews.

"We are going to pick the stipulation that is right for us - that is right for the tag belts," says Jagged

"Our tag belts," says Shane Matthews

"Right. Exactly. The stipulation that best suits our tag belts."

Great thanks. Go away.

"Get Ready Ottawa! To feel the flow..." says Jagged

"Of Two point Oh!" says Shane Matthews.

"Except you Llakor. No flowing for you or Madness," says Jagged.

"That's right! Don't do drugs, Llakor!" says Shane Matthews.

Does Extra-Strength Tylenol count as a drug?

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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - Toronto's Squared Circle

Representing Toronto's Squared Circle, Ash will wrestle Michael Elgin.

Ash
5'10 172lbs
Toronto, Ontario

"Unreal" Michael Elgin
5'10 235
Oshawa, Ontario

Tuesday Tales From the Terrace - Toronto

So, I'm visiting my sister in Toronto and between bouts of playing Reanimator with my niece Meaghan and nephew Ryan and my niece Devin - I play the corpse who gets chopped to bits and reanimated - I wander downtown Toronto until I finally found this terrace where I am supposed to meet this Michael Elgin who is going to be wrestling in the Syndicate Invitational.

Not much of a terrace. No plants unless you consider concrete a plant. No beautiful women walking by - well okay that's not true - but on St-Laurent there are so many beautiful women that you start to get whiplash. Here it's more like waiting for a bus. One will wander by... eventually.

On the plus side, they have Creemore on tap which is a good thing. So, I am getting quietly blitzed when Elgin wanders by, late but not late by wrestler time. I know immediately it's Elgin. I mean it looks like the only thing that he could possibly be is a professional wrestler, either that or he's the guy that the cops send into the interrogation room when they want to scare the shit out of some dirt-bag. "We don't actually beat people up any more to get them to talk. But if we absolutely had to do it, I'm the guy that gets to hit you first and then later I'm the guy that gets to hit you last." And then there is a sound as the poor bastard under the spotlight - his bowels just give and there is piss and a smell and at this point the confession is as good as signed.

He's not big so much as thick, but as he vaults over the railing from the street to the terrasse, it is obvious that he is agile as well. And that's when I notice his hands. I mean I work with Tomassino whose hands are so big it looks like they belong on the end of the Canada-Arm. This Elgin's guy his hands are nowhere that big but they are still big for a guy his size. Basically, he looks like X-Men's Beast - only without that pesky blue fur. And I'm pretty sure that he doesn't have fangs.

As always these transcripts are based on my notes. Any mistakes are the responsability of those being interviewed who should obviously spoken both slower and more clearly if they wanted to be quoted accurately.

"A lot of people meet Ash and think he's a nice guy. He's got a good honest hand-shake, he's got a nice smile. See those are people that don't count their fingers after shaking Ash's hand; those are people that don't recognize a fucking shark when they meet him teeth first.

He's an ass-hole. A smug, arrogant, double-dealing, back-stabbing son of a bitch. He's the kind of bastard that other bastards stop and take notes from to improve their bastardry.

You want an example, fine.

This show that you are doing Syndicate Invitational? It's being taped by Smart Mark Video right? So, for me that's a huge opportunity to be seen. The last time that I had an opportunity like that was a show in Michigan. Big US indy. Big pre-sales. Big chance to be seen. Big chance to be remembered.

My opponent is Ash naturally. We're fighting 2nd or 3rd and then Ash wrestles again later in the card in some match for a new Cross-Borders title. So before the show, Ash gets me to help him load his boots for the title match that he's going to fight later on, right?

Our match, the referee turns to signal for the bell. Ash kicks me in the balls - hard as he can - with the boot that I helped him fucking load! While I'm fucking dying there, the son-of-a-bitch kicks me in my face, breaks my nose then drops me on my head and gets a three count - match is over in like ten seconds maybe a little less. Ash is fresh as a daisy for his title match and I spend the rest of the show icing my balls and my face cause I keep bleeding from my broken fucking nose.

While I am doing that my gear disappears. Everything. I go nuts trying to find it. MENTAL.

At the end of the show, while I am looking for my gear, Ash convinces the rest of the Toronto boys that I was so pissed at getting pinned that quickly that I took a train home before the show ended. So, I end up stuck in fucking Michigan wearing a towel with a half a toilet paper roll stuffed up my nose and that's it and nothing else and without a drive home. I end up having to hitch-hike home in a fucking Culture Club T-Shirt and a pair of shorts that I borrowed from one of the girls and tight man and that's not the best thing when you've got a bruised nut sac.

Longest fucking hitch-hike ever. Don't want to talk about it.

And when I get back to Toronto, I find out my gear is in a paid locker back in Michigan. I end up having to pay to have my Gear fed-Exed back to me. Smells like shit. I end up making new gear anyway.

OK, so at the next show in Toronto maybe I over-reacted a little going after him with a wooden chair, but still - all of a sudden - I'm the ass-hole?

Fucking conniving, snake in the grass, treacherous cunt.

So yeah, next Saturday, September 3rd in Gatineau at the Palais des Congres on the third floor. Sure, I'm looking to impress. I'm looking for a second chance to make a first impression. I'm also looking to bitch-slap that fucking grin off that smug ass-hole's face.

[Llakor]

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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005: Hardcore Heat - Uno vs. Donkey Kong

They call him the 8-bit warrior. They call him the Team Anglo mascot. They call him Player Uno.

And on Saturday, Sept 3rd, Player Uno faces his toughest challenge to date as the 8-bit warrior squares off against - oh dear - this can't be right.

Ummmm... can I get a ruling here?

Cause this says that Player Uno is facing Tomassino.

Can some one find Uno a cheat code for extra lives?

I mean... Game Over! Man! Game Over!

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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - Ottawa Three-Way

Good Morning, Mr. Phelps. The pictures that you have in front of you are professional wrestlers based out of Ottawa: Frank "The Beast" Bradley, Pistola and "The Freak" Zakk Manson. They are closely associated with a wrestling fed based out of the Ottawa area. Your mission, Jim, should you choose to accept it is to organize a three way dance between these three men for the Syndicate Invitational show on the afternoon of Saturday, September 3rd in Gatineau at le Palais du Congres.

If the match is a success, the unnamed fed will take credit. If, on the other hand, the match is a failure or if you or any member of your team are captured or killed during your mission, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. Good luck Jim. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.

Frank "The Beast" Bradley
From: The Amazon
Weight:195lbs
Height:5'10
Finisher: Spinebuster
Style: Technical/brawling/power

Pistola
From: Gun Smoke, New Mexico
Weight: 205 lbs
Height: 6'1
Finisher: Gun Shot
Style: High flying, Technical

Pistola is from Gun Smoke? Does he know that Raw just passed Gun Smoke for most TV episodes by a prime-time drama?

"The Freak" Zakk Manson
From: Aylmer Qu
Weight:175 lbs
Height:5'8
Finisher: swanton
Style: High flying, Technical

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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005: Matches Announced To Date

Just to sum up so far:

Syndicate Invitational

MWF: Maxime Boyer vs. Jagger Miles
CZW: Sabian vs. Niles Young
Ontario: Eddie Osbourne vs. Warhed
UWA: Colin Oliver Carnage III vs. Virus
Squared Circle: Ash vs. Michael Elgin
Ottawa: Pistola vs. Zakk "The Freak" Manson vs Frank "The Beast" Bradley

Still to come: NCW, CWA, UWA Hardcore

Hardcore Heat

Damian "The God of War" vs. The Arsenal "The One Man War"
Player Uno vs. Tomassino

[Llakor]

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Thursday, August 25th, 2005: Hardcore Heat - Italy vs. Quebec

A stone's throw from our nation's capital where the Canadian Maple Leaf flies proudly, the IWS will present a match where two flags other than the Maple Leaf will be flying. Waving the Italian flag will be Dan Paysan. Waving the Quebec flag with vicious fury will be Fred la Merveille.


Thursday, August 25th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - NCW tag team title match

NCW tag team champions Adrenaline Rush (Jimmy Stone & Samson) will defend their tag team titles during the Syndicate Invitational. Their opponents will be announced this weekend.

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Friday, August 26th, 2005: Hardcore Heat - The (Green) Phantom Menace

I will have more to say about this match later, but for the moment let me just announce that the Evil Ninja will face the Green Phantom during Hardcore Heat "in some kind of hardcore match"


Friday, August 26th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - Warhed is a Chocholic!

I said that I would look into the Warhed/Eddie Osbourne muffin situation...

After some more investigation, I have determined that the flavour of the muffin was chocolate.


Friday, August 26th, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - Let's Build a Fort!

UWA Hardcore wrestling will be presenting a six man hardcore match as the main event of Syndicate Invitational. The participants will be announced tonight during or after their show in Mississauga. What I can confirm is that it is their chance to do all the stuff that they can't do in Ontario because of the strict regulation of the Ontario Athletic Commission.

[Llakor]

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Weekend, August 27-28, 2005: Hardcore Heat - The (Green) Phantom Menace

Normally, I have a pretty good idea why a certain match is taking place. Take for instance the match between Dan Paysan and Fred la Merveille. I was well placed to see the backstage confrontations between D-Vyn and Elsa Bangz over the last couple of months that kept bringing Fred and Dan face to face. (There is an open question whether Elsa will in fact accompany Fred to the ring after he nearly killed Viking at Extreme Dream II with his "101" pedigree from the top through a chair.) There was always the traditional antipathy between the allophone Dan Paysan who speaks three languages fluently (Italian, English and French) and the more insular Fred who speaks only one (French) but fancies himself superior to Dan. In addition there is the small matter of a bet placed over a soccer game between Italy and France that Fred has been gloating over for months. So a confrontation between the two was always inevitable.

But the match between Green Phantom and the Ninja? Granted that the two are long-time old school rivals, the truth is that the two had seemed to work out a neutrality agreement where the two men avoided each other.

Normally, the head office would have told me why the match was taking place. In this case, not at all. The reason for that is long, complicated and surprising. Basically, Manny is an ass hole and I'm not talking to him. Oh wait, that was wasn't so long (or complicated or suprising) at all.

So, I have no idea why the Evil Ninja is fighting the Green Phantom...

But I can guess...

Given that the Evil Ninja was attacked at Extreme Dream II by "Uncle Manny" and his gold-wearing sycophants, 2.0, Jagged and Shane Matthews, I would guess that Manny is looking for ways to punish the Evil Ninja some more and since 2.0 are busy, Manny needed someone to do his dirty work for him. Enter the Green Phantom.

Now, I hasten to add that the Green Phantom is and remains a solid Fan Favourite, one of the good guys. He's not doing Manny's bidding. It's just that Manny knows that when you put someone in the ring with the Green Phantom, well, the big lug only knows one direction and one speed: straight ahead and through his opponent. Not to mention, that as I said, the Green Phantom and the Evil Ninja are old school rivals.

The fact is that you put these two into a ring and they are guaran-DAMN-teed to beat the shit out of each other in a regular match, let alone a hardcore match. Manny knows this. In fact, I suspect that he is counting on it.

[Llakor]

Monday, August 29, 2005: Syndicate Invitational - NCW

I can confirm that NCW will put on an NCW tag team title match featuring Jimmy Stone and Samson. These polite, well-dressed WANKERS~ have been taking the wrestling world by storm...

Ummm... yeah, I can't stand these guys. I'm not sure if it is because they took the NCW tag team titles from 2.0. I don't if it's because their wardrobe screams "Preppy Without A Cause!" I don't know if it is because Samson really, really needs a hair-cut. I don't know if it's because Jimmy Stone is so cheerful that he makes my teeth hurt.

It's completely irrational. I just hate, hate, hate HATE these guys.

Adrian O'Ryan and James Kraven, on the other hand, the thing that I love about these guys is that they are completely unafraid to live their gimmick. In fact, James Kraven, is so into his theatrical Goth character that sometimes it is a little bit scary. Goths are always just a little too much in love with Death, but you can always count Kraven to take someone with him when he gets all suicidal and stuff.

Which leaves us with Adrian O'Ryan. The consummate Anarchist. Now, I feel responsable to give Adrian some advice, partly because I always felt more affinity with the anarchists than with the Goths (too much make-up) and the Preppies (too much makeup, too many bright colours.), also partly because we share the last name, O'Ryan and Ryan being the same thing at the end of the day.

So here is my advice to Adrian:

One. Get a pair of steel-toed wrestling boots
Two. First chance you get kick them in the balls to get them down
Three. Kick them in the ribs to keep them down.
Four. KEEP KICKING THEM!
Five. Don't lose focus. KEEP KICKING THEM!!
Six. They are the enemy. KEEP KICKING THEM!!!
Seven. Keep a roll of quarters tucked in your shirt sleeve (KEEP KICKING THEM) This works both as an impromptu set of brass knuckles. (KEEP KICKING THEM) And after the show, you can buy beers with it. (KEEP KICKING THEM)
Eight. KEEP KICKING THEM!
Nine. Anarchism is all about a Do It Yourself ethos, so don't rely on your partner. (KEEP KICKING THEM) Find a way to get the pin and do whatever is neccessary to get that pin. (KEEP KICKING THEM!)
Ten. KEEP KICKING THEM!!


Syndicate Invitational - RED vs. BLUE

Representing the dying breed of social liberals. In the BLUE CORNER - ROH, Chikara veterans - Cheech and Cloudy!

Name: Cloudy
Height: 5'5" Weight: 140
Hometown: Albany, NY
Current Promotions: ROH, PWU, Chikara, NWA Upstate

Name: Cheech
Height: 5'10" Weight: 175
Hometown: Albany, NY
Current Promotions: ROH, PWU, Chikara, NWA Upstate


With their manager, the Ugly American, representing the Bible Belt, they have dedicated their match to GOD who will be helping them kick the shit out of their opponents. From the RED CORNER (and they would like to point out that their corner is MUCH bigger than the BLUE CORNER.) - Phil Stamper and Lucky!

Name: Lucky
Height: 5'6 Weight: 160
Hometown: Hoboken, NJ
Titles held: Former GBW Breaker Champion
Current promotions: PWU, Chikara, MBA/CZW, GBW, EGW, CCW
Style: Strong Style w/ lucha influence
Finisher(s): Shooting Star Double Stomp, Code Green Piledriver
Trained by: Mike Quackenbush, Chris Hero, "Phenom" Phil Stamper, Hardcore Mafia

Name: "Phenom" Phil Stamper
Height: 5'8" Weight: 199 1/2
Hometown: The Western Shores of Maryland
Titles Held: Former BEW Regional Heavyweight Champion
Current Promotions: PWU, XMCW
Style: Technical, heavy submission influence
Finisher: Bad Trip (combo ending in a kata hajime)

Managed by "The Ugly American"
Name: Saul Samuel Steinberk III
Height & Weight: Retained by lawyer
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Current Promotions: PWU, ACPW


Syndicate Invitational - UWA Hardcore Wrestling - Let's Build A FORT!

Representing UWA Hardcore Wrestling in a six man hardcore wrestling:

Osiris, Mickey Knight and Chris Bishop
vs.
Nick Watts, Lionel Knight and Jeff Flury

And it will be tables, ladders, barbed wire, and thumbtacks.

[Llakor]

Thursday, September 1st 2005: Last Update

Expect some surprises at both shows, but I will just make a few last announcements.

Hardcore Heat: Bishop Hunts His Title

He is the IWS Canadian Champion. He is the FIRST IWS Canadian champion.But he does not have his gold. Because a bitter ego-maniacal pissant...

He's standing right behind me isn't he?

...

...

On the advice of my chiropractor Doctor V. Kraven, I have decided to make the following statement:

"Kid Kamikaze, the IWS Technical Wizard, DESERVES to be the IWS Canadian Champion, the same way that I deserve to be dangled out of a third story window by my ankles. He is no more a pissant than I am a vicious cranky bitch with an axe to grind. He is bitter in a delightfully piquant way similar to expired milk. Chris Bishop has not paid his dues... and if you believe that I have real estate in New Orleans to sell you! OK OK Don't drop me! Actually, this seems to be working on my back. No doubt on Saturday, the IWS fans in Ottawa will give Kid Kamikaze exactly the reception that he deserves."


Hardcore Heat: Beef Fills a Void

As you all know, Beef Wellington is getting a crack at EXesS and the IWS heavy-weight title. He got this shot after Sexxxy Eddy dropped out under doctor's orders for the damage done to his mouth and jaw at the last IWS and UWA show. (Honestly, I can't remember if it was 14 stitches and two teeth or 12 stitches and four teeth.)

Normally, the title shot would have passed automatically to Kevin Steen who won a shot at the title during Extreme Dream II. But Steen refused this title shot, saying that he wanted revenge against Damian and wanted a match against The God of War in a Last Man Standing Match. That match is scheduled for September 17th Blood, Sweat and Beers.

The man that Steen pinned to win the shot at the title in an eight man gauntlet match was Beef. So by a complicated rating system related to the system used to determine the succesion of the Presidency (Secretary of Agriculture surprisingly high on the list) Well, actually there was a big argument and we finally decide to fill the void with Beef Welington.

Beef Wellington - filling voids since 2001.


Syndicate Invitational - One Match Down, One Match Off

Dave Dalton, the trainer of Colin Oliver Carnage III and Virus, has informed the Management of the International Wrestling Syndicate that his students are not prepared for international exposure.

We thank him for his honesty and wish him and his students all the best in their future endeavours.


Fortunately, there were wrestlers lined up down the block to take their places. The first promotion to catch me as I ran for my life once the announcement was made... (and was the tranquilizer dart really necessary?)

From the Avon Cosmetics Animal Research Laboratory, where cute bunnies test mascara so that Paris Hilton can look like a gold-digging whore without hourly touch-ups...

Inter Species Wrestling is pleased to present a match between...

The WWF cover-panda, born in the Jungles of Sumatra, now living in a Pichinoku Parlor in downtown Kyoto...

BAMBOO!

And his opponent, the man who has single-handedly destroyed the Jungle Home of the Giant Panda of Sumatra, razing the rain-forest to create styro-foam boxes to make his suspiciously uniform hamburgers into...

FLIP D. BERGER!