Post by ISWFarmhand on Aug 13, 2005 15:40:50 GMT -5
For Immediate Release:
The Farm Hand
Inter-Species Wrestling
www.beyondthebarn.org
This is the press release that you’ve been waiting for. This is the dream match of Inter-Species press releases. This is the Superbowl. This is the visit to the clinic where you didn’t catch anything new (sex sells, it really does). This is the Inter-Species Wrestling release where you get the first look at the card for the debut ISW event, One Hit Wonder?! A match listing so spicy, that it is sure to turn this sweltering hot summer into a molten hot summer. How about we stop wasting time with dumb metaphors and sexual innuendo, and reveal a few matches for the first-ever ISW extravaganza on August 26th? Prepare to be blown away, by this scintillatingly hot serving of ISW goodness (just a few more innuendos, ISW promises).
Brand New Matches, Never Before Revealed!
In A Centuries Old Grudge-Match: From CHIKARA “The Original Party Pirate” Jolly Roger Vs. “The Snarling Sultan of Never-Never Land” An Alligator!
Having wrestled all over America, Jolly Roger recently decided to end his burgeoning wrestling career. However, before Jolly Roger sails off into the wrestling sunset, he is calling out the one being that has plagued him and his kind for centuries, Alligators. On August 26th, Inter Species Wrestling will present a unique Inter-Species match, where an honest to goodness Alligator will combat the party pirate. Expect lots of action and intense brawling as these long time enemies finally do battle, in an ISW ring! Experience the end of one wrestling career, and potentially the life of one combatant, on August 26th, in Valleyfield, Quebec.
IN A FIGHT TO GAGE WHO IS MORE ‘VIKING-ESQUE’’: “SheSells SeaShells” Miss Helga the Princess of Water World (AKA the longest and hardest to say name in wrestling history) with her mermaid Syren Merna Muet vs. “Watch These Nordic Chops” Viking Villeneuve!
Potentially the hardest hitting and most violent match on the debut ISW card, this one will be brutal (in the violent way). Both competitors are known for their chops, having bloodied the chest of men, women, crabs, cows, and Italians all over North America in the past few months. Vikings are legendary for their ferocity and over the top violence. Inter-Species officials are actually very nervous about this match, and hope that the pillaging can be contained in the MWF Arena.
Merna Muet recently issued a verbal warning to Mr. Villeneuve, but apparently, she lost her voice in a game of chance with the Devil, in hopes of winning a pair of legs of her own. Unfortunately, the devil cheated, and Merna lost her voice, but learned a very important lesson: do not play games of chance with Damian. He will stiff you, and he will cheat.
Inter-Species Scramble (First Ever): Team Thunderc#ck (Link and Jimmy Stone) Vs. The Zombies (James Kraven and Freak – With the walking dead master, GORELUST!) Vs. Double Dragon 2.0 (representing the NintendoDorks) vs. Bamboo and Giant Tiger
Representing the best of each species in ISW, this scramble tag-team match should blow the roof off (with gale force winds) the MWF Arena. Each of the species of ISW has sent a tag team to the ring for this one. Will the Animals tear and bite their way to victory, as Bamboo and Giant Tiger have been training hard and sharpening their claws. Can Team Thunderc#ck, featuring Jimmy Stone and Link, use its quickness and cockiness to overcome the other teams? Perhaps the Zombies, James Kraven and Freak, will scare off the competition? Or will Double Dragon 2.0 collect both halves of the amulet, and over power the other teams? Offering up a quick and extraordinary match that displays all the sides of ISW, this one could definitely be the show stealer.
Inter-Promotional Challenge Match: From CHIKARA “The Angry Insect Evildoer” UltraMantis Black Vs. “The 8-Bit Warrior” Player Uno!
In this international dream match, CHIKARA’s resident evil bug takes on the Quebec’s resident video game assassin. While there is not any legendary back-story to this match, it should be an amazing contest. UltraMantis returns to the country where his back was injured and he was taken out for many months, Canada. Wanting to make a statement against the country that injured him, UltraMantis is looking to destroy whomever ISW sends up against him to represent Canada, and Inter-Species action. The 8-Bit Warrior, Player Uno is a Quebec favourite and rising star on the Canadian indy scene, so ISW officials have selected him to defend the honour of ISW’s home country. UltraMantis has the experience, but Player Uno is no slouch, having competed all over Quebec, and even venturing south to Philadelphia for a match in the past. Expect lots of evil bug antics, and plenty of 8-bit action.
PLUS! The Already Announced:
An Old School Grudge Match of EPIC Proportions: From CHIKARA “Sweet and Sour” Larry Sweeney Vs. “He LOVES RUSH!” Twiggy!
This one was already announced, as the main event, in our last press release. As if the international dream match context was not enough hype and reason to love this match, Larry Sweeney recently made it more interesting. During a recent appearance on the Puroseu Power Hour radio show, Sweeney issued a challenge to Twiggy, for a strut off. Having never turned down a strut off, Twiggy is more then willing to use his amazing strutting abilities to face off against Sweeney. Oh, and they might put on an amazing old school wrestling match too!
Also scheduled to appear in a wrestling capacity on August the 26th for ISW are:
”The Canadian Technical Wizard/Fan of the Canadian Football League” Kid Kamikaze, “Italian Sensation/Thunderc#ck” Dan Paysan, “Marvellous” Fred Le Merveille, Moohammad the Terrorist Cow, Spliff Jones, and the Condiment Connection.
PLUS American CHIKARA Stars: “The Wrestling Riddle Wrapped in an Enigma” Jigsaw, and “The Dark Minion of the Underworld” Hallowicked. And the already announced international stars Mike Quackenbush and Skayde.
Quite the collection of amazing matches, the five already announced. Expect the remaining few matches to be announced within the next two weeks, as we build up to the first ever Inter-Species Wrestling show, on August the 26th, at the MWF Arena, in Valleyfield, Quebec (full show details to follow). Look at that card, its sweeter then candy, with half the calories (that is a lie, it’s pretty much the same amount of calories).
Upcoming Events/Things to Pimp:
ISW Presents: One Hit Wonder?
August 26th 2005 7h30 pm. Doors at 7.
Salle Des Chevaliers de Colomb: 70 Rue Académie, Valleyfield Quebec
Map : WWW.MWFONLINE.CA/EN/IMG/MAP_01.GIF
Inter-Species Wrestling in association with the MWF Hosts:
The First EVER Canadian edition of “Sweating to the oldies with Skayde and Mike Quackenbush Clinic 2005”
Saturday August 27th, from 1pm to 5pm
Cost: 35$ per person. Reservations and payment in advance.
SPOTS ARE LIMITED! Make it quick, we’re running out of time and money :
Email: interspecieswrestling@hotmail.com
for all the information about this amazing, life changing experience.
Link to official clinic press release : www.beyondthebarn.org/nfphpbb/viewtopic.php?t=139
See new ISW Promos, featuring Flip D. Berger and Twiggy, online at:
www.beyondthebarn.org
Inter-Species Wrestling – “Sex sells, but so does terrorist cows and wrestling pumpkins!”
www.beyondthebarn.org